HBR Guide to Dealing With Conflict (HBR Guide Series) by Amy Gallo

Author:Amy Gallo [Gallo, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Business & Economics, Conflict Resolution & Mediation, Management, Human Resources & Personnel Management, Business Communication, General
ISBN: 9781633692152
Google: jyAmDQAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1633692159
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2017-03-14T06:23:55.483000+00:00

Own your perspective

If you feel mistreated, you may be tempted to launch into your account of the events: “I want to talk about how horribly you treated me in that meeting.” But that’s unlikely to go over well.

Instead, treat your opinion like what it is: your opinion. Start sentences with “I,” not “you.” Say “I’m annoyed that this project is six months behind schedule,” rather than “You’ve missed every deadline we’ve set.” This will help the other person see your perspective and understand that you’re not trying to blame him.

With a relationship conflict, explain exactly what is bothering you and follow up by identifying what you hope will happen. You might say, “I appreciate your ideas, but I’m finding it hard to hear them because throughout this process, I’ve felt as if you didn’t respect my ideas. That’s my perception. I’m not saying that it’s your intention. I’d like to clear the air so that we can continue to work together to make the project a success.”

Dorie Clark, author of Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future, says that you should admit blame when appropriate. “It’s easy to demonize your colleague. But you’re almost certainly contributing to the dynamic in some way, as well,” Clark says. To get anywhere, you have to understand—and acknowledge—your role in the situation. Admitting your faults will help set a tone of accountability for both of you, and your counter part is more likely to own up to her missteps as well. If she doesn’t, and instead seizes on your confession and harps on it—“That’s exactly why we’re in this mess”—let it go. See it as part of the venting process described earlier.

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